Lesson learned.

When I was moving out of the apartment I thought I needed to do an extreme purge of things I don't use or things I haven't used in quite some time. Such as, purses.

Now, being a girl I should have automatically known better than to get rid of my purses because right now I only have one, whereas before I had about 6. Stupid Megan...

I ended up selling my 4 Matt & Nat purses on Kijiji for the low low price of roughly $30 each. I thought it was great that I was getting rid of them - more room for something else in my closet...

Well shit. I went into one of the accessory stores in Southcentre mall last week and come across a wall of bags that looked awfully familiar. After picking one up, the sales girl came over and asked me if I had heard of the new Samsara line:

Me: "Not at all... they look very Matt & Natish though"

Salesgirl: "In fact, Matt and Nat have started a new line called Samsara which will be the same price range as the old Matt & Nat purses were. They have moved the Matt & Nat line to a more higher-end label now, retailing for about $350 and up".

Me: "...... I just got rid of all my purses for like, $30 each. Are you kidding me?"

Salesgirl: "Ooooh..."

And just like that, I left - absolutely pissed off that I got rid of my purses. Seriously, how would I have known? I guess I should have just not been so stupid as to getting rid of my purses.

Le lazy.

Nothing worse than sitting on the couch, contemplating a bowl of vanilla ice cream, drinking a smirnoff ice and watching the Last 10 Pounds Bootcamp on tv. Sigh.

Not the key to getting rid of my dimply ass.

Got the word and the word is good.

And I'm glad, don't get me wrong. I don't think I would have handled bad news very well. Although... hearing today that the lump is benign was a little anticlimactic.

I mean, I'm glad it's nothing but at the same time - the past 2 months have been a little stressful and I've been a little worried and then I had the pain and the bruise to contend with and for what? Bah.

An appointment has been booked for February 10 2010 and they'll do another ultrasound and see how things are shakin'. But until then, I'll have a lump of tissue that will take about 3 - 4 months to disappear. Hot.

And then this happened...

Maybe the fact that mom just had her breast removed after being diagnosed with breast cancer triggered the extra concern with the beanlike growth which had "concerning characteristics". Needless to say, I was booked with the promise of a biopsy. Sigh...

Leading up to the procedure, I won't lie - I was nervous. Cried a couple times only to be consoled by O. But then things got in the way and I began thinking of other things and I completely forgot about the impending gig at the hospital. Alas, the day was upon me and I suddenly thought - shit. But mom said it was easy so it would be, right?

Mom came to pick me up with a dozen of her famous blueberry muffins in hand. Still, not even thinking much about the impending procedure, we jetted off to the Women's Clinic at the Foothills Hospital, 15 minutes earlier than we needed to be there. But alas, they were ready for me and threw me right into a gown and onto a table, but not before telling me I can't lift a vacuum for at least a week. Ha! No problemo...

Lying on the table with my arm bent so I was touching the back of my head, I couldn't help but look at the 3 screens which showed the little bean lodged in my boob with the "concerning characteristics". The nurses were genuine and friendly, a rarity in the health care system. The room was stark and clinical - not an inviting place in the slightest. The tray with the needles and gauze? Even less inviting.

"How many of these do you do a day?" I asked, now exceptionally nervous.

"Usually 5, but today the doctor is going for a record of 11", explained the nurse.

And just like that, the doctor came in, moved my breast for better access, filled it with freezing and in went the needle that made the clicking sound... over and over and over and over. And each time it clicked, I jumped. And 3 minutes later, I was told to sit up and put my arm back through my gown and get changed. No time for small talk that's for sure.

And then I was on my own and in true Megan fashion, I burst out in tears wondering what the fuck just happened. The right side of my body was numb and instead of the procedure taking an hour and a half like I was promised it would, it took no less than 35 minutes. I walked back out to the waiting room to meet an even more surprised mom and like that, we were off.

Not only was the experience weird, it was - I don't even have words to describe it. I was knocked on my ass. It hurt, it was emotional, and I have this goddamn bruise that is so ugly to look at.

To me, the bruise is a reminder that I still have to find out what the bean is.

** And yes, I realize I just posted my boob on the internet. And to note, this is my boob a week after the biopsy.

Uh...

I'm number one in my hockey pool. Shut the front door.

What kind of shit forecast is this?

So in other words I shouldn't put my winter jacket away...

I am 99.9% convinced I'm an emotional eater.

Example? Half this pack is gone and I literally opened it while writing this post... if not more...

My final assignment is due in like... 19 hours. I have 33 pages that I have to edit tonite. Are you kidding me? My response? Eat some ice wafers. Why not Megan - it's not like your pants fit very well now - how about just make the whole getting-ready-for-work-in-the-morning-and-trying-on-every-pair-of-pants-in-the-closet schtick that much more fun.

And then there were 10 days.

During the last year of being at my previous employer, I signed up and took the Event Management certificate course, offered through Mount Royal College. It was great, I loved it. I learned a gazillion things.

And then... and then I went to put those practices to work and realized I couldn't use an ounce of the knowledge. That everything I'm doing in my current job is completely different than what the course taught me. So, which one is right?

And now I'm struggling to finish the final project of the program so I can have that goddamn piece of paper indicating that I'm officially an Event Planner, according to Mount Royal College.

So I've hit my wall. I have exactly 10 days to get this freakin-neverending-piece-of-crap project done and I simply have lost the will to do it. I'm averaging 600 words per page and I'm on page 17 and I HAVE NO END IN SIGHT. I didn't think I had this many words in me.

However, I do need to give a shout-out to my extraordinary manfriend who literally kicked my ass on Sunday, plunked me down at the table and said "DO IT!". If it wasn't for him I would probably be sitting on the couch reading my book or watching TV.

Sigh.

And yes, that pink drink does have booze in it. It's helping to cut the pain.

So I get this phone call...

I received a call from TD Canada Loss Prevention today. I was away from my phone so this automated voice left a message for me indicating that "Ms Megan Elisabeth Pratt must call 1-866-can't-remember immediately". So, I call and get this pleasant guy by the name of Matt.

Me: Matt, I have received a voicemail from you indicating I needed to urgently call you.

Matt: May I have your name.

Me: Blah blah blah

Matt: Your address.

Me: Blah blah blah

Matt: Your debit card number

Me: Blah blah blah blah

Matt: May I have your mothers maiden name, shoe size and eye colour.

Me: Blah?

Matt: Ms. Pratt it appears your debit card has been copied by way of a debit card machine at an establishment you recently purchased items from. In fact, this establishment is in the process of being investigated for card fraud.

Me: Jigga wha?

Matt: It also appears that your card has been used in Quebec. TD Canada Trust was able to stop track this transaction and stopped it right away. Your funds were not touched.

Me: Uh... did this take place at the Chinese food restaurant on Friday?

Matt: I am unable to verify that as the establishment is under investigation.

Me: So that's a yes...

Matt: Ahem... it would fit within the time-frame of when your card was copied, yes.

Me: That fucking dive of a Chinese food restaurant gave me the runs and copied my debit card??

Matt: Ma'am, your card has been cancelled and I would suggest going to your local branch and getting a new card along with a new pin number.

Me: Uh huh...

Matt: Is there anything else we can do for you today?

Me: Uh... nadda?

So long story short, DON'T DINE at the Signature Palace Restaurant in Signal Hill. Super dodgy. And really I don't know what's worse... the owners who are screwing around with people's debit / credit cards or the fact that I was sickeningly sick all night pleading for death after eating the sweet & sour pork.

Trying to figure out what I consumed before bed that made my dreams so f*cked up.

Ok.

All of a sudden there is this war that has broken out and I'm for whatever in the middle east. There are bombs going off, people screaming and running, and it's all out war. I'm hiding in this A-frame house with a plethora of other people, some who I work with and some who I've never seen before in my life. One coworker I noticed was randomly pregnant - 11 months pregnant and over the course of my dream, her belly was the size of a hot air balloon. And then, I'm randomly in a convertible with Sarah Jessica Parker and we're going to her house. Once inside, she takes me to her bedroom to show me around and as I'm standing at the door, she screams "I saw something by that door" and I turned around only to find the Grim Reaper flying down the hallway and right through me. SJP and I bust a move out of the house and back into the car. I look around back at the house and realize it's only a bungalow but inside the house - it was a castle. We then drive through a school yard, past school kids, at mach speed only to find myself back at the A-frame house with a remote control in my hand, having been advised that the remote control operates the bomb detonator that is traveling in circles below my feet.

Then the alarm went off.

Even if you did use your turn signal, here's another reminder to use it.

So I’m driving down 5th avenue, flicked my turn signal on and changed lanes. The lady beside me pulls up to a cop who was in front of me and told him I didn’t use my turn signal. Jigga what? The cop gets out of his car and walks to my window and says “it’s simple, you turn the switch you were given here – like this. It’s there for a reason”. And walks back to his car.

I USED MY FU*KING TURN SIGNAL. Such a fu*king douche bag. He stood there totally belittling me and didn’t even care if I had anything to say.

Totally burst out in tears. Fu*king cops.

Needless to say, I wasn't having a very good day.

The worst part? I had to pay to be tortured.

In my preparation for the impending trip to Mexico (2 sleeps...), I decided to venture out and do something my girlfriends suggested I have done: get a brazilian wax. Well, easier said than done.

I went at lunch today to get the ol' deed done. I was given a dab of 'scream cream' to "rub on your parts" and a pat on the back before I headed into the room of doom.

Mean Wax Lady - Take off your pants and your panties and lay on the bed with your legs open.

Me - Um...

Mean Wax Lady - Comes back and very quickly dabs wax on a strip of my hoo-ha. Then, she takes a piece of fabric and pats it down, stroking it about three times. Then, without warning - RRRRIIIIPPPP

Me - HOLY MOTHER OF SWEET JESUS

Mean Wax Lady - laughing, smirking - mocking me

Me - Mommmm...

I screamed, I had tears, I had tried pulling myself away from the wax. Needless to say, it was 20 minutes I will never forget. I will never do it again. Ever. EVER. No matter what you say - and this means you Jessica, Karen, Danielle and Ashley!

Luckily, there were no broken hips.

What happens when you get a group of established mature men, after an evening of drinking copious amounts of alcohol, into the Presidential Suite of the Banff Springs Hotel? They look for ways to get into the secret door which is about 15ft up from the floor.

And no, it didn't open - even after trying to pick the lock with a bobby pin. And yes, that is Orest with a man on his shoulders, propping him up to the door.

Observation.

Dukoral? Not so good on the ol' tummy. I should have just taken my chances with the ice cubes and vegetables at the mexican hotel.

Today?

Today, not so awesome.

1. Went on a quick shopping adventure to TD Square. As the Bankers Hall parking is the only parking I'm quasi-familiar with, I park underground there. As I'm ready to get back in my car with my bags in tow, I go to the pay machine, put in my $2, collect my ticket and head to the elevator. I get into the car and pull out as someone is eagerly wanting my spot. Suddenly I realize, I don't have my parking ticket. Wtf. I pull over and dig through all the bags, my purse, my pockets and seats. I do this 8 or 9 times. I realize, this fucking sucks. So I head to the exit in hopes that the ticket collector thingie will have a help button that I can plead my case to. Well, no such luck. In my frustration, I can't find it. I put the car into reverse and back into the 'monthly parkers only' section and find a spot. I head back into the lobby where I see a sign on the door saying 'no access without a card'. Awesome. So I hop into the elevator, find the information booth and she instructs me to go to the ticket machine and push the help button. I do as she says. The muffled voice on the other end asks me a million questions and says to push the help button as I get to the gate in the parking lot and he'll let me out. Well if I had known there was a help button I would have done that in the first place. For fucks sakes. I then have to find a security guard who will take me through the 'no access without a card' door and back to my car. He waves, probably thinking - she's stupid - and I get in my car and head to the exit. I see the almighty help button and the guy lets me out. Stupid goddamn parking lot. That whole adventure (including circling the parking lot umpteen dozen times and driving in reverse for at least that many more times) stole 45 minutes of my day.
   
   
2. I head to Safeway to pick up a schwack of groceries for the quasi-Superbowl party tomorrow. I decide I only need a basket - I'm only getting a couple things. Well, after only shopping 2 aisles, the basket weighs more than a small child. After thinking, I should probably get a cart, I hear a 'snap' and the basket breaks. That's right. 9 sausages, 9 hot dog buns, 4 2-litre bottles of pop and 2 bags of mini-peeled carrots snapped the basket. Awesome. Heaven forbid anyone around me who sees this offer some sort of assistance. Nope. I am left to my own devices and have to leave everything in aisle 11 as I desperately look for a cart. Nice. Real nice.
   
   
3. I then head to the Superstore liquor store to pick up some booze for this said quasi-Superbowl party. It's all good - couple of this, couple of that. I finally get home and park beside the front door so I can unload the car instead of making multiple trips from the parking lot. As I get out of the car, I biff it and fall in a rather ungraceful manner on my ass. Awesome.
   
   
4. I bring everything inside, up 2 flights of stairs and put everything on the floor. Just as I pick up the box of Keith's, the handle snaps and there are 12 bottles that come crashing to the floor - exploding the minute they touch. I can handle 1 bottle - not 12. Not only was there beer everywhere, there were little shards of glass and a very eager puppy. Not a good combo.
   

Fingers are crossed the rest of the weekend goes ok. Today, just not my day.

The flight that wasn't...

So right now, I should be in Winnipeg taking in all it's cold beauty. I should be eating perogies and enjoying the company of new friends and family. However, right now I am sitting in my parents house eating leftovers and chilling with my dog as today really hasn't gone as planned.

My brother drives me to the airport this morning by 6 a.m. as my flight was leaving at 7:40 a.m. and well... as organized as Air Canada is(n't) I am taking no chances with the threat of long lines and rude customer service people. And, just as I thought, the lines were epic and the staff snobby.

I'm finally through security and just waiting to board at 7:05 a.m. But wait... there's no one manning the ticket desk and um - it's 7:15 a.m. Small oversight I'm sure. Suddenly there's a couple pilots and the staff - eureka. Get ready to go up and get my ticket scanned when I'm asked to please step aside for a moment... ok. So, I move myself and my bag over slightly and am promptly given a new ticket for and a different seat. No sweat - still have a window seat.

Get on the plane and realize, 'wait, this isn't just any window seat - this is first class and dude - I'm in a single seat'. Sweet ass monkey shit. Am offered a pillow, given a warm face cloth and my beverage order is taken. This is service I could get used to.

After sitting on the plane for about 40 minutes, I look out the window and realize there are suitcases still on the tarmac. This is peculiar I'm thinking... how can the plane move if there are suitcases in the way? Well, my friends, this should have been my first hint that this flight was about to go terribly wrong.

We're waiting for staff to find their way to the aircraft so they can load our luggage. That's right, there are no staff to put the luggage on the plane. Awesome. We wait for another long freakin' time as we wait for staff to show up to load the plane for our bags.

Finally get that sorted. Then the Captain comes over the speaker..

AC Captain: This is your Captain speaking... we're just turning off the engines as the pully-thing we use to push the plane from the terminal is trapped on some ice and isn't getting anywhere. We just need to wait for some sand or something to help the little pully-thing out.

Peanut Gallery: Oookkkk.

Finally get that sorted and we are on our way.

After an hour and a half of being airborne we are told that we are gearing up to land - trays must be in the upright position, bags and purses stowed away and seat belts on. But then Captain comes on again...

AC Captain: Ladies and gentlemen, it looks like we'll be circling the airport here for about 40 minutes. It seems an aircraft is disabled on the runway and they're just waiting to get it moved.

Peanut Gallery: Oookkkk.

After 40 minutes...

AC Captain: Ladies and Gentlemen, it looks like we're heading back to Calgary. The Winnipeg airport has shut the runways as there seems to be a larger problem on the ground. My apologies. We'll be in Calgary in an hour and a half.

Peanut Gallery: Mother f&^$ing sh!t for brains, co&ksucking bastards.

I'm devastated. We're literally on top of Winnipeg. I can see Winnipeg. There are people waiting for me at the airport. I'm heart broken and feel horrible.

Then, super-wigged-out-mad-as-a-bull-dude sitting 4 rows behind me decides he wants to go postal on everyone in the plane. The flight attendants warn him that there will be police waiting for him when we get off the plane... in Calgary... which is an hour and a half away...

Super-wigged-out-mad-as-a-bull-dude yells "GOOD! I'd rather be arrested than fly Air Canada again!!" Awesome. This will be a great flight back.

Finally get back to Calgary and just as we're landing, el Capitano comes on again:

AC Captain: Ladies and gentlemen, we're touching down in Calgary in less than 15 minutes. Again, I apologize for the inconvenience. Once we've parked, please head to the ticket desk where an agent will help you get to Winnipeg.

As I'm in first class, I'm the first 3 to get off the plane and in line to figure out the flight - but not before I call home. Mom and dad are already on the WestJet website looking for later flights in the event Air Canada blows goats and can't do anything for us. Oh wait... that's exactly what happened.

The oh so (not) helpful lady behind the counter gives us a sheet with a 1-800 number on it and says, "there's only 2 more flights leaving Calgary for Winnipeg today and they're full. Please call this number and arrange for a later flight. Or you can fly stand-by."

Hells no. Air Canada expected 90 people to fly stand-by. Sounds like great hostility, erm, I mean hospitality to me.

My new flight on WestJet leaves at 6:50 tonite, set to arrive at 9:43. Keep your fingers crossed this one lands.

Oh, and in case you're wondering what the epic issue was at the Winnipeg Airport? It was this.

Maybe time to show a little fiscal prudence...

If you've read the paper, seen the news, filled up for gas or bought a loaf of bread lately - you might have noticed something is going on in this little world of ours. Times are tough, scary and unpredictable.

Last week things hit a little too close to home for me. My organization was been hit by the changed economic environment; and it hit hard. While my department was lucky and we have been reassured that it won't affect us for now, it's still a hard pill to swallow.

I watch the news every day, read the headlines, and pay attention to whats going on around me, but I never think things are going to hit home as much as they are beginning to. People are losing their jobs, building construction on hold, price of groceries going up and an all round sense of unease.

The general sense of unease has actually forced me to put things into perspective. You may laugh at my feeble attempt of cutting back but when the past couple of years have been all about froufrou and quad-grande-sugarfree-vanilla-lactaid-no-foam-caramel-macciatos, the fact that I am either getting coffee from 7-11 or buying a bag of beans and grinding my own - is a big deal. I can't remember the last time I bought a new shoes, shirt or purse. I called Shaw and cut back on my services because really - who needs to spend $90.97 on cable and internet per month? My personal cell phone will shortly turn into a pay-as-you-go phone and I will be buying groceries at Superstore, not the local Co-Op Fresh Market.

From what I learned on Friday, it's time to not take anything for granted; to be grateful for what I have and for who I have. Because no matter how difficult the clients, how long the hours, how early the mornings or how cluttered the desk - I have a job and am not really doing that badly.

Uh hello? Blog world? It's me... Megan.

Wow. Whoops. Where have the past couple of weeks gone? I was on such a winning streak and then suddenly life got in the way.

To sum the past couple of weeks up in a nutshell:

• Work is stupid crazy busy. I cried twice today.
• Fantastic? Nutella.
• Even more fantastic? Altos Malbec wine, Peanut butter, milk chocolate squares and Nutella... but not all at once. Have the PB, Chocolate and Nutella, swallow, and then enjoy a swig of the Malbec. Trust me.
• Decided on a road-trip with my mom to Portland, Oregan. Fantastic U S of A shopping HERE I COME!
• I've contemplated trying for the RCMP exam again. I did so awesomely excellent in BC... why not try it again here? (and I heard a commercial for it tonite too... my calling... )
• Obama and McCain are at it on CNN this Friday. Um... couch... best friend... accept me back?
• Heading to Revelstoke in T minus a couple weeks for a much deserved Thanksgiving vacation. Mmmm golf, turkey and ... turkey.
• Have found a beautiful appreciation for a simple brewed cup of coffee.

Um.

Yah. I'm tired.

This might be a long Monday.

Good luck, guys.

Hurricane Gustav; Monday morning landfall.